Attack of the Sabretooth

Niles (Nicholas Bell) has opened his island to a bunch of investors and, for some reason I have not determined yet, some college students on a scavenger hunt. Look you have all the different stereotypical students, how sweet. There's a jock , a dumb blond, a computer geek, a preppy girl and even a Goth girl. Yay! Gag!

Anyway, the woman in charge of security on the island, Savannah (Stacy Haiduk), is concerned because they are having security problems. Niles in unconcerned and tells her to deal with it, because he has to put on a good show for the investors.  The security problem is quite simple; all the people working here are idiots. One after another walk into an electrified cage without closing the door behind them. And what is in this electrified pen you ask? Why sabre-toothed tigers of course.  Niles' team of crack scientists have created them and now he wants people to back him financially so he can run a park. Because that worked so well with dinosaurs.

As Niles is wooing the crowd, the idiot students decided to turn off the security system in order to break into the gift shop area to get their items. With no security at all, Savannah is at a loss for what to do and decides to shoot the tigers. Niles doesn't agree but after half the security guards and the two dumbest students get it, Savannah and her flavour of the month boyfriend, Brian (Brain Wimmer) along with the three remaining students kill off the sabre-tooths...sabre-teeth? Anyway, Niles isn't too happy but he is thankfully killed by a giant tooth from a terribly (and I mean terribly) CGI tiger statue., so who cares what he thinks.

They think that's the end of it, but we see one of the guests being hunted by, yet another tiger. It doesn't go anywhere because the credits start to roll and I am very thankful for that piece of crap to be over. 

There was not one redeeming thing in this entire movie. The acting was terrible, the script was awful, the plot was done so many times before, the CGI was horrendous, but it was fun to laugh at. There was absolutely nothing to love about this film. None of the characters were at all believable or likable. I was even glad when some of them died because they were that unlikable.

There were no scary moments in the film. Things that were supposed to fill you with tension and suspense fell flat and didn't lead anywhere. I mean there was this one tiger where something went wrong in the mutation process or something and it was twice as big as all the others but didn't have the use if its hind legs. It was loose for all of two minutes before Savannah killed it. And good job Niles for keeping your security so well informed. I mean, Savannah didn't even know about this tiger. The least you could've done was tell the people in charge of keeping your island safe how many freaking tigers were actually on the island.

Well, it wasn't as if he hired a crack security team to begin with. Brian actually said. "Yeah I think it crawled off somewhere to die." And you didn't check?! You are just asking to get eaten by a giant pissed off tiger aren't you.

Geez, this movie pisses me off.

Grade: 1/10