Catwoman

Alrighty then, Catwoman: Halle Berry is dressed in leather (sort of dressed) with a whip. That's about all there is to the movie. Okay, I'm lying...well, not really.

Patience Phillips is a shy, unassertive woman who works as an ad designer for a make-up line. She is bringing redone designs to her boss's other office, (because she had to drive from one office building to another), like a good little employee and stumbles across a massive cover-up surrounding a new line of age reversing cream. Not only is it addictive, causes headaches and fainting, but it also, after prolonged use, causes tissue to break down. Patience  is killed for it. Have no fear-she isn't going to stay dead. A cat (an Egyptian Mau called Midnight to be precise) breathes life back into her (yeah I know, scary). Now she is no longer a mild mannered reporter she is now..............SUPERMAN!!! (Insert music here.) Or Catwoman or whatever. So with her new found powers she is now able to kick ass and she must hunt down those responsible for her death.

As I started watching this movie, I thought it should've started with her death and gone on from there. Then I realized if they did that, then they would've cut out the only good part of this movie. Because as soon as she comes back to life it is the beginning of the overblown acting, terrible taglines and catch phrases, bad CGI, and smutty costumes. By the way did it bother anyone else that Halle Berry and just about everyone else was wearing the exact same thing for two days in a row? What happened, all three meters of leather bust the costume budget you couldn't get them a second set of clothes at the thrift store?

What really makes me angry is the plot. It's not just due to the fact that the entire movie is over a anti-wrinkle cream that every woman must have (by the way, I'm sorry if I'm bursting people's bubbles but straight non cross-dressing men buy make-up too).

It's not just because Berry looks like she just walked out of a S&M club in some horny male teenager's wet dream. Bloody Hell it took from the beginning of movies to Sigourney Weaver in Alien for women to not use her looks and sex appeal to kick ass (Sigourney used a flamethrower) and in a few short years we're right back to where we started.

Forget the fact that Catwoman was a villain -  I don't care that Berry 'walked the line' for most of the movie. Forget the fact that the cops are so stupid that they don't realize that there's a prisoner missing for half the night. Forget the crappy romance sub-plot, the pointless sex scene, the x-rated basketball game and strange club dancing scene and so on.

What really pissed me off is the fact that only AFTER she's been chosen as a Catwoman can she live a life of freedom and power. In history it was only the women who were chosen as Catwomen that achieved high status and the ability to fight. If you're just an everyday woman you're out of luck apparently. Normal woman shouldn't be outspoken and mean, they should just be looking for a husband.

Holy crap, we have gone back in time.

Grade:  1.5/10